RESOURCES

By ANGIE PARRISH

“Isn’t some anxiety normal?” Fred was asked on Day One of our recent retreat on Composting Fear into Fearlessness. Doesn’t everyone sometimes get worried or anxious about potentially unpleasant encounters, not being liked, getting sick or injured, approaching hurricanes, climate change, election outcomes, and so forth?  

Fred’s resounding “No!” surprised many of us. 

Anxiety and worry may be widespread, he taught, but this kind of fear is neither innate nor helpful. Yes, fear is helpful when we’re faced with imminent physical danger that triggers a fight or flight response, such as a bear poised to attack. But fear and anxiety arising in response to thoughts about what could happen in the future do nothing to protect us. Such imaginings only cause us to suffer and rob us of ease, joy and intimacy with life and other beings.

Amid engaging teacher/student interaction that included much laughter, Fred’s teachings and Bill MacMillen’s guided meditations during the retreat helped us to see how we could begin to understand and transform our fear into fearlessness.

We learned how:  

• We’re not born fearful and anxious. Fear arises and grows in our mind as a consequence of how we perceive and respond to life experiences.  
  
• Fear causes us to contract, constrict, and live from a place of protecting “self” instead of responding to life with confidence and ease.
  
• Worry, anxiety, and fear arise in the mind as a response to worrisome thoughts.  External triggers are not the root of our fear. If they were, everyone would be afraid of spiders.
  
• We humans tend to overestimate danger and undervalue our capacity to respond effectively. Fred used two hands (picture a scale of justice with two pans) to represent how fear arises in the imbalance between the perceived danger on one hand and our capacity to respond on the other.
  
• We cannot accurately predict the future. All we can do is prepare for reasonable possibilities and then deal with whatever happens when it does, remembering always to investigate our fear by asking, “Is it true?”
  
• Mindfulness is absolutely essential to transforming our fear into fearlessness. IF we notice fear arising in the mind or body, AND we stop to name and welcome it, we can calm it by coming back to the present moment, placing attention on the breath, and letting go of those fearful thoughts about what might happen in the future.   

At our closing circle early Sunday morning, everyone shared their insights from the retreat and plans for bringing the teachings into their daily lives. Later during Sunday Sangha, Fred asked three retreatants to share their experiences. 

• Monica shared how much stress she was experiencing from the accumulation of many small fears around her work as a teacher. She realized that her fear of imperfection was creating stress for herself and possibly for her students, and that she could choose to see the beauty of each child and where they weere in the learning process instead of worrying about imperfection. As Monica said, “I think this insight is going to transform who I am as a teacher.”
  
• Patrick, a hedge fund analyst, shared learning that our fears are actually imaginary – made up in our minds – which was a transformational wake-up for him. In the past he had identified as a worrier or anxious person.  Now he saw how none of us is an anxious or fearful person by nature because no one is born fearful or anxious. So he can transform his fear instead of continuing to be a worrier. 
  
• Joan, a retired psychiatrist attending her first retreat with FCM, shared coming into the retreat with some anxiety but telling herself that her kind of anxiety was normal, and so not a problem. She was surprised to discover there’s no such thing as “normal anxiety.” She described her retreat experience as “beginning a process of unraveling all the tentacles of fear in my life…just sort of peeling the blinders off. And, Step Two, acquiring some tools, which I’m just learning how to use.” 
  

Like all FCM retreats, this one supported us in healing and transforming our suffering. I know first-hand this is why our teacher Fred founded FCM and it remains our shared purpose for existing. I am deeply grateful to Fred and to the many volunteers at the Florida Community of Mindfulness who find our shared purpose so meaningful and give so much support to our mission and vision.

Angie Parrish is Dharma Programs Leader for the Florida Community of Mindfulness. She has been a student of Fred since 1999.

                         By ANDREW ROCK

Dear Jacqulyn, you've become our ancestor,

Showing us the way, quietly departing 

Into the ultimate, preparing

To release the ego, as we practice

To follow your lead, in this final ceremony.

Gently you show us to our places, allowing

Each to discover our part in harmony,

Opening our heart, while seeming to do

Nothing. Dragon Sister, we fly with you

in boundless emptiness, not far behind,

Until we too ripen and settle in

To join the cosmic ceremony. Gate, gate,

Paragate, parasamgate, bodhi svaha!

Gate, gate, paragate, parasamgate, bodhi svaha!

Gate, gate, paragate, parasamgate, bodhi svaha!

Go well, dear sister.

Andrew Rock of Tampa is a long-time member of FCM. He and his wife, Nancy Natilson, were close friends of Jacqulyn Schuett.

By EVELYN HASEMAN

Intentions are not merely thoughts; they are conscious decisions that shape how we interact with the world, transforming our life experience. While aspirations provide the overarching vision—how you wish to manifest your presence in the world—daily intentions are the actionable steps that bring those aspirations to fruition.

Think of aspirations as the big picture, your core values and guiding principles. In contrast, intentions are the focused actions you take each day to embody those values. For example, if your aspiration is to cultivate compassion, a daily intention might be to listen deeply and respond with kindness in your interactions with family at dinner today.

When you set a clear intention, you're doing more than making a mental note—you’re engaging a complex neurochemical process in your brain that supports lasting change. Here’s how it works:

Adrenaline for alertness and energy: Focusing on an intention triggers the release of adrenaline, the hormone that boosts your energy and keeps you alert. This heightened awareness helps you stay engaged with your intention, making it easier to act.

The focus neurotransmitter: Along with adrenaline, your brain releases neuro-transmitters that sharpen your focus and attention. This enables you to concentrate on your intention without distraction, increasing your likelihood of following through.

Together, these neurochemicals create a powerful support system, optimizing your ability to bring your intentions to life. By setting clear intentions, you prime your brain to keep you motivated, focused, and energized, paving the way for real, lasting change.

The Dharma Buddies Program is an ideal way to nurture the practice of setting daily intentions. Each morning, set your intention for the day and text or email it to your Dharma Buddy. Your buddy will respond with their daily intention, creating a space of mutual support and accountability.

The FCM program runs October 7 through December 16, and registration ends September 29. If you’re requesting a specific buddy, both buddies must contact evelynhaseman@gmail.com after completing registration. All FCM members are eligible for a Dharma Buddy, and Fred encourages everyone to participate to help bring change into your life.

If you register for the Mindful Living Path (MLP) Intensive, "Emotional Healing," you will automatically be paired with a buddy for the Intensive unless you request a specific person who is also in the same Intensive. If requesting a specific buddy, contact Evie at evelynhaseman@gmail.com.  You do not need to register separately for the Dharma Buddies program if you are in this Intensive.

There is no charge for a Dharma Buddy. Don’t miss this opportunity to deepen your practice with the power of intentions that can change your life.

Evelyn Haseman of Temple Terrace has been a member of FCM since 2012 and has been involved in several leadership positions, including the Dharma Buddies program for five years. She attends the Tampa Sangha and is a member of the Order of Interbeing.

By DON SIZEMORE

For the past year, I have been a part of “The Path of the Enlightened Being” intensive at FCM. With Fred’s guidance through the Shantideva text, The Way of the Bodhisattva, along with the sharing of other members in my group, my practice has strengthened and grown in ways I never realized possible.

This summer I had ankle surgery and was immobilized for six weeks.   Being a very active person I was concerned about becoming restless. As a teacher with summers off, my time is usually spent gardening, working on home renovations or making pottery. I decided to use my new idle time as a sort of morning retreat. Each morning I sat on my screened  

porch overlooking my garden and pond to meditate, read and reflect on the teachings of Shantideva.

Click on grackle image to view video

The summer part of the intensive was geared towards creating a personal plan of how to integrate the teachings of the first two sessions into our daily lives. I concentrated on acknowledging and clearing the “tinder” in my mind that gets ignited all too easily and provides fuel to minor annoyances throughout the day -- like bad drivers and difficult people I encounter. Rather than reacting quickly I would learn to train my mind to look deeper into the situations that frustrate me and try to better understand the situations and not be so quick to judge.

As the weeks went by I was making noticeable progress. Perhaps my inner gatekeeper was becoming more diligent at clearing the tinder and better dealing with these situations. Or, perhaps being removed from my day to day routine made it easier to pause and reflect.

Knowing how much I love to watch the birds in the garden, my family bought me a bird feeder camera for Father’s Day in hopes that it would help occupy some of my time. I spent many hours post surgery immersed in the up-close videos that were sent to my phone throughout the day, entertained by the adult and fledgling birds making their way to the feeder. The cardinals, wrens, titmouse, brown thrashers, house sparrows and blue jays brought me peace and soothed my restlessness. Until, one day a new bird arrived at the feeder: a grackle.

It quickly became apparent that grackles aren’t the most peaceful birds to watch. They’re noisy, abrupt, and throw seed everywhere! And this particular female spent the day lying directly in the bird seed making it impossible for the others to feed. The video feeder has a speaker on it that I can talk into from my phone.

So after a few days of this grackle interrupting my perfect summer feeder experience I started roaring into my phone in hopes of maybe scaring it away. “ROAR! GET OUT! AHHH!" It wouldn’t budge.

After a few days of this, one morning while meditating my inner gatekeeper turned to me and very bluntly said, “What are you doing? This grackle is the tinder you so quickly ignite. Look closer and try to better understand her.”

So I went back to the feeder videos, sorted through all the clips of her and finally noticed a key element in the story: She was missing a foot. She was lying in the seed because she couldn’t stand on the perch. My frustration had pushed my compassion aside. I immediately felt terrible because of it. She was the driver speeding recklessly past me whom I quickly judged. She was me, hobbling around on crutches unable to carry my own food to the table. She was all of us, unable to articulate a proper cry for help and simply needing a little understanding from the world.

I’m happy to say that after a few more days the grackle was able to begin balancing on the feeder perch and other birds would come feed beside her. I’m also happy to say that through the teachings of Shantideva and the guidance of Fred and the FCM sangha I am able to take lessons like these and use them to strengthen my bodhicitta, hopefully making the world a better place…..one bird at a time.

Don Sizemore has been teaching ceramics and pottery in Hillsborough County Public Schools for 26 years. He has been married to his amazing wife, Erin, for 27 years and together they have two sons, 16 and 20. He wandered into FCM two years ago to learn qigong with David Braasch which led to Sunday morning meditation and then on to numerous intensives along with the formation of a daily practice.

By MARIA CLAUDIA ESCOBAR

I signed up for the retreat “Cultivating the Courageous Heart” without much thought about the topic or focus as I have found all retreats to be a delicious time away from the pushing and pulling of the world and a welcome silent pause to the chaos. This retreat focused on loving kindness and compassion. 

With the first bit of quieting, I saw that my focus in life is what I am doing to others on the outside of me and how everyone else is affecting me. ALL ABOUT ME. And indeed, my life of late has been consumed with tasks, responsibilities, classes which in the end are all focused on me. Yet, I am a person who thrives in the company of o

thers and loves to bring people together and host wonderful gatherings. I noticed I had veered off a path of building community. 

Throughout the weekend, we embarked on a series of exercises and meditations that helped to stir the heart of compassion for ourselves and others. What became clearly apparent was how easily I feel for others’ suffering and share a kind word or gesture and yet how harshly I speak to and reprimand myself for things great and small. I heard the many judgments I make about myself, constantly trying to push and prod “me” into shape, so that everything will be okay. What those wonderful exercises and meditations revealed is that everything is okay …. I have to be willing to rest my mind and ease into the quiet. There is peace there. 

My meditation experience is often muddled and frustrating. I go through sessions where I have no idea why I am sitting there wasting all this time as my mind races endlessly with just morsels of quiet here and there. I wonder if ever I will bear the fruits of mindfulness if I cannot manage a mere 30 minutes of calm. And so the judgments about me, mediation, Buddhism, Fred --- all of it — carries me away to a land of frustration and futility. 

During this retreat, we had wonderful guided meditations that helped me revive kindness and tenderness for myself. With plenty of time for rest and relaxation, I did find and touch glimpses of peace and quiet that feel wonderfully nourishing. Angie Parrish had mentioned that meditation and mindfulness helps to bring clarity which had never sunk in with me, nor had that been my experience.

However, after the retreat I actually saw a difference in my actual vision. I wear glasses all the time and kept wondering if I was wearing a different prescription. More of the beautiful wide world was gazing back at me through the same glasses. I was just seeing more of what was already there. It was amazing and I finally got it. 

There were no huge revelations, yet I did get a clearness to my heart and being that is tough to describe. There was a steadiness, a solidity without so much noise coming from my mind. I noticed I was much softer and easier with myself. 

For me the takeaways were:

• The outside affects the inside -- Having no cell phone, not reading anything nor listening to anything absolutely helps to quiet the inside. I noticed the pull my cell phone has on me with a constant desire to read or overcome boredom by scrolling. I also struggle with sleep and usually read something before bedtime to reach sleep. During the retreat, I used nothing and slept wonderfully.
• We all want the same thing -- We did a powerful exercise where you look into the eyes of another person without saying a word. The power of connection was overwhelming and it easily brought me to tears. I spend so much of my life judging others that I miss the opportunity to see and feel that they are just like me --- seeking, hoping, loving, suffering, living and dying. This helped me to see our common humanity in mundane interactions and increased my desire to wish others well, even if I have no relationship with them.
• Clarity -- I often struggle to sit on my cushion, given my unsatisfactory experiences. I realized that a constellation of factors will help to bring the clarity that can come with mindfulness and meditation as it did on this retreat:

-- not cluttering my mind with unnecessary information, noise, visual input

-- even though I enjoy reading, being selective can reduce the space that such things take up in my mind

-- it’s okay not to be DOING all the time, give the “to do” list a break, and relax, go to bed early, daydream, walk without a destination

• Spend more time loving myself -- Bring sunshine, flowers and soft puffy white clouds to my inner world, which can be harsh and cold and unrelenting. Express gratitude, appreciation and love to my inner child. Softening the inside is more relaxing, inviting, and energizing.

Angie and David Braasch are wonderful human beings who shared all of who they are to guide us on a path of love and kindness to ourselves and others. Their gifts are immeasurable and their humility is inviting. I am immensely grateful to FCM and Fred’s determination and vision of what is possible. Without such a visionary among us, where would our wandering minds and lives be? The beauty, calm and commitment demonstrated at FCM in every detail is a wonderful inspiration and comfort to me. 

Maria Claudia Escobar lives in downtown Tampa. It took a few years before she signed up for a retreat because she was afraid that the sitting would be unbearably long and strict. “How foolish I was -- losing out on precious time to feel peace and calm and joy within. Now, I jump at the chance,” she says. She has been coming to FCM over the past four years. Her joys include people, arranging flowers, hospitality, the beach, and travel. 

By MISTI OXFORD-PICKERAL

I had the great fortune to attend the seven-day Dzog-chen Wisdom Retreat led by our beloved teacher, Fred, the first week of June.

A number of experiences were impactful, but a particularly touching aspect of this retreat was “storytime” with Fred. He shared his personal

record of teachings received from his time in northern India studying directly with Dzongnang Rinpoche and others, including an interview with His Holiness the Dalai Lama. These sharings were so precious, so direct and deep. 

I cannot adequately describe how powerful it was to watch and listen as Fred opened his notebook and stepped back in time almost 50 years. I think it is safe to say we were all riveted. 

I have not had the opportunity to experience transmission of the Dharma directly from the great teachers of our generation, such as Thich Nhat Hanh or the Dalai Lama. I have relied upon recordings, books and learning from those who were able to receive their direct transmission.

During this retreat, I realized that our beloved teacher is also one of our generation who has studied at the feet of great teachers and not only received the transmission of their pith teachings, but also their directive to teach the Dharma. We are so fortunate!

Now, as part of my sitting practice every day, I include gratitude for the lineages and past teachers going back to the Buddha, channeling their wisdom through Fred, shining the light of Dharma, lighting the way for us all along the direct path to awakening that is inherent in each of us and possible in this lifetime.

I am filled with gratitude to have the personal circumstances that allow me to take a week off from work and familial obligations to be on a retreat at FCM’s beautiful practice center, in silence, with fellow brothers and sisters on the path, learning from our teacher and practicing the Dharma. I deeply appreciate the space, time and setting all conducive to focus on my practice.

I never want to squander these precious opportunities. Retreat provides a huge recharge and reenergizing of my vows and aspiration.

For me, this retreat was particularly unique and powerful. First was the focus on the preliminaries and adding in bodhicitta. The Four Thoughts that Turn the Mind Towards Dharma are foundational in my seated practice. 

Adding the cultivation of bodhicitta, the mind of wisdom and compassion that is aimed at liberation for the benefit of all beings, as a preliminary takes the Four Thoughts to another level entirely. 

Imagining all the beings who are not able to practice, who are not touched by the Dharma, who are struggling to simply live, or who live in hell realms of suffering, war, violence and drugs, touched my heart, opened my mind and truly brought my aspiration to life. 

I feel interbeing-ness. Practicing for me is practicing for you; practicing for you is practicing for me. No separation. So beautiful. 

My practice has deepened and softened as a result of this retreat.

This world and the countless suffering beings are with me. I continue to be diligent and relaxed and to open my heart-mind as wide as I can every day. And for those of you waiting to go on retreat, please take the courageous leap. It is so worthwhile.

Misti Oxford-Pickeral lives in Gainesville with her husband, her son, her mom and their two dogs. She is an acupuncturist and a teacher of East Asian medicine, about which she is very passionate. She loves hiking in the woods and spotting wildlife. She is president-elect of the FCM Board of Directors.

By NED BELLAMY

As a principle of Mahayana Buddhism we commit to an aspiration to be of benefit to others. 

The 4th Mindfulness Training of the Order of Interbeing recited by FCM members reminds us that this aspiration is not a passive one: “Do not avoid contact with suffering or close your eyes 

before suffering. Practice mindfulness to look deeply into the roots of suffering within yourself, others and the world. Recognize, accept, and transform your own suffering. Find ways to be with and help alleviate the suffering of others. By such means, awaken yourself and others to the reality of suffering in the world.”

In FCM’s Prison Dharma Program, all of us--inmates and volunteers alike--find this commitment and our time together to be mutually fruitful and sacred. 

The program began more than a decade ago and has ebbed and flowed with circumstances. During the pandemic, FCM’s team of volunteers was reduced from 10 to five intrepid souls who kept it alive, visiting four prisons twice during most months despite the high rate of infection among inmates and restrictions on visitors. Now, post-COVID, our team has nine members and needs three more. 

Why participate in the Prison Dharma Program? It offers the profound experience of bringing compassion, peace and joy to men serving time in state prisons near the Tampa Bay area. Three more members, bringing us to a complement of 12, would allow us to serve another one or two institutions and more easily fill vacancies when members leave for the summer or take out-of-town trips.

Volunteers for the program must have been FCM members for at least two years, have a daily meditation practice and have participated in FCM retreats or Intensives.

Each volunteer travels once or twice a month, alone or in pairs, to visit one of four state prisons within an hour’s or so drive from Tampa. The prisons are in Zephyrhills, Bushnell, Polk City and Bowling Green in Hardee County. Two-hour sangha meetings are attended by between six and 12 men. They include guided sitting and walking meditations, recitations or chanting, a Dharma talk, and extra time to listen deeply to men who need to be seen and heard. 

One inmate said it this way: “We’re never alone. I have 69 roommates, many with mental health challenges. Coming together in our small group of like-minded guys is literally a refuge where I feel safe and supported. I’m encouraged by the teachings that remind us again and again of what is possible for us, even during our stay.” 

Following approval by the Florida Department of Corrections, each new FCM volunteer shadows several different, more experienced volunteers during scheduled visits to several prisons. This student/mentor arrangement continues as his or her self-confidence grows with experience in co-chairing discussions, guiding meditations, and presenting abbreviated Dharma talks, all at the recruit’s own pace. 

Most people are a little apprehensive when entering a men’s prison for the first time. Gratefully, visitors’ personal safety has never been an issue for us. We gather in the prison chapel, segregated from the general population, and are welcomed by the chaplain and his staff.  

Since this program began, eight women have volunteered to serve in men’s prisons. Recently, sangha attendance has increased in two prisons after women became regular visitors. Women’s presence in these small, sacred, sangha circles often seems to encourage greater vulnerability and deeper sharing. Susan Ghosh, who volunteered in the program for several years, writes, “No way to tell any difference between us. Who’s teaching? Who’s learning? I always leave with some treasure.” We are reaching out to the only state women’s prison near Tampa and to local county jails to see if we might serve either their men or women inmates.

Why do FCM’s volunteers commit to the prison program? Here are some comments from prisoners that may provide an answer:

On Easter Sunday after a heavy, cooling downpour, the sun shone over a flock of sandhill cranes, the prison gardens, the koi pond and the green courtyard. A long-time inmate practitioner walking beside us said, “Yeah. It is beautiful. And you know what? For the last 20 years, every single morning, it has been beautiful.”

“Sixty days of solitary confinement is especially tough in this prison, because writing and reading material in the cell is forbidden. Finally, the Christian chaplain agreed to bring me two Buddhist books. I re-read them over and over and began meditating. I think they saved my life.”

“I’ve been in foster homes, jails and prisons for 45 years. I was hopeless when two Buddhist volunteers began to visit us regularly. They are the very first people who had ever noticed, much less believed, in me. Inspired by their practice and teachings, I turned my life around and have been a committed practitioner ever since.”

FCM volunteers are equally moved:

Chris: “What could possibly be better than sitting in a small circle sharing the Dharma?”

Brian: “Their deep and rich practice in very difficult circumstances is moving and inspiring.” 

Kevin: “The guys inspire me to practice. And their gratitude to FCM members who come to share the Dharma with them is palpable.”

To learn more about FCM’s Prison Dharma Program, please contact Ned Bellamy at nedbellamy46@gmail.com, or call or text him at 727-642-5900.

By BETSY ARIZU

You’ve probably heard our teacher Fred tell this extraordinary story before.  Here it is as written in the Ph.D. dissertation of medical anthropologist, Sara Lewis, Spacious Minds, Empty Selves: Coping and Resilience in the Tibetan Exile Community (p.2).

In 1959, a Tibetan monk named Palden Gyatso was imprisoned

at the outset of the Chinese occupation of Tibet. Upon his release 33 years later, Gyatso said that his greatest fear during his captivity was not torture or death, but that he might lose compassion for his torturers. Gyatso’s story and others like it are often recounted by Tibetan refugees as examples of how this community has remained resilient in the face of collective trauma. These sentiments raise important questions about suffering, resilience, and the role of cultural beliefs and practices in the study of political violence.

In her dissertation Lewis describes the extensive interviews she conducted with Tibetan refugees in Dharmsala, India. Most intriguing was that she found none of the symptomatology of PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) that one might expect given the events of displacement, incarceration, and torture. She noticed that her interviewees downplayed their personal experiences. They often spoke about impermanence and were well accepting of the fact that suffering is part of living life. Encountering such resilience, open mindedness and compassion in the Tibetan refugees Lewis concluded that the Buddhist "view" was influencing the way people responded to traumatic events. 

In a recent talk Fred shared with us how his observations when he visited and lived in Tibetan refugee camps decades ago were confirmed by what Lewis found in her field work.  He did not see the bitter, raging refugees that he had seen in other parts of the world.  He saw among the Tibetans compassionate, equanimous, healthy minded people making efforts to rebuild their communities and way of life. They did not see themselves as victims: they were seeing the "big picture in life."

So what is the big picture?  What is the big picture view taught by the Buddha that allows for great resiliency even under adverse conditions?  Fred emphasized four aspects of the Buddhist View:

• Impermanence - Things change. When we really get this, we are not shocked or thrown off base when things happen that we don't like or expect.
• Suffering – Accepting that there is suffering in life. That is reality, even though within our American culture, we might feel entitled to a perfect life, free of suffering.
• Cause and Effect (karma) – Whatever happens isn’t personal. It’s due to complex causes and conditions.
• Emptiness - We are not solid, separate entities. We don’t necessarily need to have a profound meditative experience of emptiness to understand and live with the freedom that this understanding implies.

For more on the big picture from Fred and Sara Lewis’ work: 

Fred’s talk: Trauma, Resilience and the Buddha's Path of Understanding and Compassion  

Sara Lewis’ book (available on Amazon and other places), Spacious Minds: Trauma and Resilience in Tibetan Buddhism (2019).

Betsy Arizu has been practicing the Dharma since becoming a student of Fred and a member of FCM in 2011. She is an artist and former high school teacher and counselor.

By JUDY CLEMENTS                                  

In my youth I was called to serve.

I listened to loners who, like me, had no "pack" for protection, connection, affection. As a very young pup, I retreated, hiding out in my den where it felt safe, even if it was dark, damp and cold. 

Fortunately, my innate curiosity lured me into the light where schooling brought satisfaction and competence.

That became my preferred, predictable, environment. Books became best friends. Fifty years in educational settings allowed me to explore ideas and practice the life skills the family could not model. I was drawn to the underserved who were in the most need of life skills, like communication, creativity, and problem solving within a group.

The faintest trail of breadcrumbs has sustained me on my quest for understanding. Compulsive overthinking, reading and many teachers suggested positive alternative explanations to my old stories, outdated language, and habit energies. Understanding accumulated, but I lacked a community to support the implementation and practice of these insights.

Arriving at FCM in October of ’23, I breathed an enormous sigh of relief.

As I merged with the generous, yet gentle flow of the Sangha River, I floated with ease, feeling buoyed by an infinitely supportive community.  I missed out on that idyllic neighborhood of the 1950s. My choice to retreat from my family caused more disconnection. Mostly I've navigated through life’s rough waters alone without the perspective of friends. Sharing a variety of rafting adventures with likeminded travelers through a range of FCM rapids has been exciting, joyful and rewarding.

A recent trip took me through the “Retreat Kitchen” to help provide a wholesome beautiful lunch. In my professional life, I rarely gave our essential food service workers much thought. Responsibilities of a domestic nature, especially the kitchen ones, were among the tasks I most resisted. I had embraced selfless service on the grounds, or even housekeeping chores, at FCM as a retreat from my usual self-absorbed agenda.

“Waking up” in the kitchen sangha prepping for lunch was delightful! There was great comfort in its clear structure, simple motor skills and tools. The inspired leadership aligned with my intentions to nourish others. In view of my recent long, slow fall off my nutritional wagon, this was the ideal place to recommit to wholesome sustainable eating.

Having worked alone most of my life with little guidance or encouragement, I discovered a real fulfillment being part of the kitchen team. The infinite patience and respect expressed allowed me to take refuge in the mindful movement my body craves.

Letting go of a need to rehearse my words to ensure the other understands means deep sharing comes more easily for me. Knowing others are open to hearing what is unsaid, to deeply listen, means I feel safe expressing myself. The more we interact from this place, the deeper we seem to go.  From the depths of our being, this togetherness transforms us and we glimpse our true Buddha nature.

Judy Clements of Seffner is a retired educator who joined FCM in 2023 and has assisted on the kitchen team in support of retreats.

By JUNE HEMBERGER

“GONG!” went the bell that woke me the first morning. Outside my window at Great Cloud Refuge in Tampa, birds were chirping their morning songs, and the fountain watering the beautiful garden was gurgling a melody. 

Thus began a day of sitting meditation, walking medi

tation, talks by Fred, along with a bit of working meditation, and qigong. We moved through the day silently, with no need to be sociable, or to say please and thank you. For me the silence was very calming and peaceful, supporting my inward focus, and helping me to remember Thich Nhat Hanh’s teaching, “The way out is in”. Silent meals encouraged me to chew my food slowly, taking pleasure in the taste and texture of the delicious meals prepared lovingly by FCM's kitchen volunteers.

Fred began our study of vexations at the four-day retreat, “The Perfection of Patience: Transforming Vexation into Understanding and Equanimity,” by encouraging us to identify those vexations, or irritations, we personally experience most frequently. My list was long -- annoyance, defensiveness, hurt and self righteousness, to name just a few. 

Annoyance and hurt are the feelings which arise most often for me. Recognizing these feelings as unwholesome emotions that arise uninvited in my mind was particularly helpful. If we welcome them in, they’ll take over and cause obsessive thinking and mounting irritation and suffering. Therefore, 

Fred explained, we need "a guard at the gate” of our minds, with very specific instructions as to what we want that guard to allow into our minds. Unwholesome thoughts and feelings? No, just show them the door. Wholesome thoughts and feelings, like compassion and acceptance? Yes, please, come right in and stay a while. 

Next, we asked ourselves what fundamental views we have -- that we don’t always know we have -- about life and relationships. These views are often a cause of our suffering. I realized that I suffer when someone, especially someone to whom I’m close, says something I find annoying, irritating or even hurtful. This behavior breaks my fundamental view that people, and especially family, should act a certain way, the way I think is the “right” way. Having this view causes me to suffer. The Dharma teaches that understanding cultivates patience, an appropriate antidote in this situation. 

In an effort to understand what is occurring and why, I realized that these unwholesome feelings are the result of my causes and conditions, what the other person said is a product of their causes and conditions, and in fact, we’re all doing the very best that we can!

Some time later, I’m still reminding my guard to turn away those unwelcome guests when they arrive. When they do, I search for wholesome mind states such as acceptance and understanding. I also practice deep breathing to access a forgiving and patient mind. These practices are new to me. I vow to be more generous and compassionate in my relationships. 

Thank you, Fred, for once again, teaching me new ways of being and new ways of thinking so that I can be happier, calmer and more understanding on the path to becoming a Bodhisattva.

June Hemberger, of Naples and Norwich, VT, discovered Naples Sangha about nine years ago after previously meditating intermittently. She lives with her partner, Steve, and their happy 13-year-old standard poodle who teaches them to be calm, loving and good natured!