By JAN KERNIS

In a 2018 wisdom intensive Dharma talk, our teacher, Fred, told us about resting in mindful awareness: "It is best to approach this as if you knew, learned and understood absolutely nothing." 

The recent workshop, Buddhist Wisdom on Death and Dying," emphasized the "don't know mind" of which Fred spoke was the wise and compassionate approach to the process of death and dying -- both our own death and that of others.  It was clear that the fundamental Buddhist teachings of mindful awareness that we learn and practice at FCM to eliminate our suffering in daily life are also those helping us at death. 

What made this workshop valuable for me was the completeness of the offering: its supportive atmosphere, reflections and guided meditations, poetry, Dharma, practicality, references and opportunities for experience, healing and transformation. 

The workshop had a guided meditation to help us look at how our priorities shifted as we saw our time of death become closer.  Daily busy-ness and “to do” lists dropped away as death was imminent. 

We reviewed some common aversions and anxieties of death and how Buddhist understandings can help us think about them. Much as we try, "magical" thinking that "death doesn't apply to me" is not reality. The Parable of the Mustard Seed was offered to shed light:  Kisa Gotami, grieving the loss of her baby, learned from Buddha's skillful teaching as she went from house to house in search of a family untouched by death, that life ends for all living beings. The Five Remembrances and Nine Contemplations were shared and seen as part of daily practice to keep this awareness and presence fresh. 

A reminder that “our attitude is our freedom” was offered to suggest to us to find meaning and purpose in being, no matter the circumstances. In view of the loss of control faced at death, what attitude can we cultivate now in preparation for our death and those of our loved ones? We learned that Buddhism advises us to go toward adversity, as in Lojong saying to use adversity as a path of transformation and awakening. As Thay says, "Hello, anger, my friend." We were shown how to use Tonglen, a Lojong practice, to help transform pain and afflictive emotions.

There were meditations that structured opportunities for us to look deeply beneath the surface of our “cultured” responses and to gently and safely reveal our fears and insights of death and dying. The dissolution of the story of fear of pain at death that I had been telling myself created space for compassion and understanding to flow to others. I was able to see how much suffering I had been causing myself, a reminder that deep openness of awareness to impermanence and death are the key features of life as well.

We were reminded that "we are going to the Mystery" and, with reference to Frank Ostaseski, founder of the Zen Hospice Project in San Francisco, "This is not like an Agatha Christie mystery where we investigate and find out who did it in the end."  While the mind thinks it's got it all together, be ready, it's going to be a surprise, and the best preparation is being able to be with awe and wonder, grow in confidence and trust of the process, and rest in mindful awareness.

The point was made that our practice has deep purpose in death as well as in life -- familiarizing us with our natural awareness, our "don't know mind," our presence in each moment. This familiarity mitigates the panic and fear at death (as it does in life). The reality is that we do not know how we will react. The whole is a mystery -- life and death --  and it is the practice of remembering to rest in our awareness and becoming familiar with this that enables us to be truly present with compassion and wisdom.

The profound Dharma teachings, the mystery of life and death that we are, as presented in this workshop, point to the essential Buddhist teachings on emptiness, the "don't know mind," resting in our awareness, that we have been cultivating in our daily practice and intensives at FCM. I left feeling at home, at greater ease with death, and with deep gratitude for this offering by our Dharma sister and brother Marilyn Warlick and Alex Lerner, with profound inspiration from our Dharma teacher Fred.

 Jan Kernis, a member of the FCM Tampa Sangha, is a newly ordained member of the Order of Interbeing.