With gratitude to FCM member Jaima Shore, Source of True Tranformation, for sharing her journey

Last week I took part in the transmission ceremony; Little did I know that over 5 years ago my journey towards this day began. When Angie asked me to share my experience I began reflecting and couldn’t help but reflect on what led up to the day as well as the actual day. A bit over 5 years ago I was pregnant with my first child; my childbirth instructor asked us to find some soothing music or a guided meditation to begin using to help us become more in touch with our bodies and the changes that were occurring. I stumbled onto the Great Bell Chant. I remember vividly the first time I heard it (I had no idea who Thich Nhat Hanh was), the tears fell down my face like a waterfall and a sense of safety and calmness penetrated my heart. When Thay said, “Following the sound of the bell my breath brings me back to the safe island of mindfulness,” it was my first taste of refuge.

Fast Forward 3 years and I found myself in the Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction class with Angie and Stephanie seeking more of what I found in that short meditation. And again, I found a bit more of that refuge. I then started attending sangha regularly and it felt like home. It felt like a place I could find the true home inside myself, another place of refuge. When the opportunity to take part in the transmission ceremony arose, I felt a tug, a pull, a wisdom speaking to me from inside myself to do it. For me it was a chance to publicly express what inwardly I had been discovering. I’ve always been someone who loved the ceremony, the ritual, and the tradition of special moments like this, as it helps clarify my intention and helps with a sort of accountability that this is indeed my path.

During the class and live stream meetings leading up to the ceremony, I found myself being most struck by that idea of refuge again. It was a word that I thought I knew, but I didn’t. For me The Buddha, The Dharma, and The Sangha are the first place in my life where I have discovered true refuge. The actual ceremony was so beautiful and moving for me. I was incredibly serious and devoted to my aspiration and took in each moment, from the opening sutra verse, to doing prostrations with my fellow Dharma sisters and brothers, to receiving my Dharma name, to bowing to the community who has welcomed me with open arms. I am enormously thankful for the opportunity to take refuge, to be part of a community, to have a teacher, and a place inside myself where this is possible. It is with great humility and appreciation that I share that Fred gave me the name Source of True Transformation. For the first time in my life I know that this true transformation is possible in the Three Jewels.