By JUDY CLEMENTS

As a relative newcomer, I approached my first FCM intensive with mixed emotions. Desperate to close out 2024 with some real sense of accomplishment, I knew the timing was perfect. The topics and teachers aligned with my preferences. Yet anxiety and resistance dampened my enthusiasm as I contemplated the requirement of being a “Dharma Buddy,” especially the “Buddy” part. 

Bonding with others has always been a struggle for me. In my early years I withdrew from my family to find comfort and solace in the book universe. While I excelled in an academic setting, doing so did not help me learn how to make and maintain friendships. Growing up, I didn’t have a suburban neighborhood to promote social skills during after-school free time.

As an adult, I enjoyed success In my professional life, but my personal relationships continued to be problematic and frustrating. Although my compulsive intellectual pursuit of understanding eventually built a base of relevant knowledge, I remained unable to implement the changes that I felt were necessary for me to be happy or find any modicum of peace. 

Stumbling through the doors of FCM and into the loving arms of the sangha was a profound experience I was not expecting. So much of what had been missing from my life seemed readily available in my new community. I arrived as a loner, self-absorbed and isolated, but soon began to explore the many opportunities FCM offered to explore new relationships. I wanted to know how and where I fit in, what I could offer, and what I needed to learn. I participated actively, often, and in many different ways.  

Given my track record with relationships, however, when it came time to register for my first Intensive, I worried and resisted in advance what I perceived as the “accountability/responsibility” factor of participating in the Dharma Buddy program, which was a requirement. Yet once enrolled, my beliefs around my own worthiness soon proved to be inaccurate.

I was paired with the perfect Dharma Buddy who was “just right” for me. Trust and confidence in myself and buddy soon developed as we shared aspirations and intentions, successes and frustrations without judgment or giving advice. The daily support of a Dharma Buddy helped us both to remember the teachings and our commitment to follow through on specific intentions. There was flexibility, creativity, and endless potential for enriching our relationship. I grew to appreciate the endless storehouse of wisdom in another’s perspective. I experienced great comfort, peace, and reassurance in our sharing and communicating in ways steeped in the Dharma. 

By the end of the Intensive, I clearly saw how my worries about being an inadequate Dharma Buddy were yet another example of wasted energy keeping me unhappy. My Dharma Buddy relationship unfolded as a microcosm of the sangha -- individuals paired and connected to add energy and vision to the collective, strengthening and enlivening our work and the teachings. For me, this program and other opportunities to practice deep sharing/listening have been one of the most rewarding aspects of being part of FCM. I would not want to miss out on any opportunity to participate in the Dharma Buddy Program again!  

Judy Clements of Seffner is a retired educator.  She experienced a homecoming when finding FCM, where the Dharma Buddies Program helped her to connect with like-minded people.