By JUDY CLEMENTS
In my youth I was called to serve.
I listened to loners who, like me, had no "pack" for protection, connection, affection. As a very young pup, I retreated, hiding out in my den where it felt safe, even if it was dark, damp and cold.
Fortunately, my innate curiosity lured me into the light where schooling brought satisfaction and competence.
That became my preferred, predictable, environment. Books became best friends. Fifty years in educational settings allowed me to explore ideas and practice the life skills the family could not model. I was drawn to the underserved who were in the most need of life skills, like communication, creativity, and problem solving within a group.
The faintest trail of breadcrumbs has sustained me on my quest for understanding. Compulsive overthinking, reading and many teachers suggested positive alternative explanations to my old stories, outdated language, and habit energies. Understanding accumulated, but I lacked a community to support the implementation and practice of these insights.
Arriving at FCM in October of ’23, I breathed an enormous sigh of relief.
As I merged with the generous, yet gentle flow of the Sangha River, I floated with ease, feeling buoyed by an infinitely supportive community. I missed out on that idyllic neighborhood of the 1950s. My choice to retreat from my family caused more disconnection. Mostly I've navigated through life’s rough waters alone without the perspective of friends. Sharing a variety of rafting adventures with likeminded travelers through a range of FCM rapids has been exciting, joyful and rewarding.
A recent trip took me through the “Retreat Kitchen” to help provide a wholesome beautiful lunch. In my professional life, I rarely gave our essential food service workers much thought. Responsibilities of a domestic nature, especially the kitchen ones, were among the tasks I most resisted. I had embraced selfless service on the grounds, or even housekeeping chores, at FCM as a retreat from my usual self-absorbed agenda.
“Waking up” in the kitchen sangha prepping for lunch was delightful! There was great comfort in its clear structure, simple motor skills and tools. The inspired leadership aligned with my intentions to nourish others. In view of my recent long, slow fall off my nutritional wagon, this was the ideal place to recommit to wholesome sustainable eating.
Having worked alone most of my life with little guidance or encouragement, I discovered a real fulfillment being part of the kitchen team. The infinite patience and respect expressed allowed me to take refuge in the mindful movement my body craves.
Letting go of a need to rehearse my words to ensure the other understands means deep sharing comes more easily for me. Knowing others are open to hearing what is unsaid, to deeply listen, means I feel safe expressing myself. The more we interact from this place, the deeper we seem to go. From the depths of our being, this togetherness transforms us and we glimpse our true Buddha nature.
Judy Clements of Seffner is a retired educator who joined FCM in 2023 and has assisted on the kitchen team in support of retreats.
